I quickly learned that 1. I do not like dating. 2. I like a lot less people sans alcohol and 3. not drinking is a deal breaker for a lot of people.

I am completely up front with guys about not drinking. Ideally, it comes up before we actually meet or go out on a date, but if not, I make no qualms about telling said guy that I am a recovering alcoholic as soon as the wine list comes and it's time to order a drink. Awkward? Not for me. At this point, it's like a script. Awkward for him? Probably. 

But there is nothing that I or anyone else can do for you until YOU are ready to admit you are powerless over alcohol and that your life has become unmanageable (Step One). This is your life...your decision. Only you can make it...no one else can make it for you. I pray that you get real and honest with yourself. When you do...we will have a seat for you.

My life today is so much fun. I think I used to mistake fun for crazy. My old life drinking was crazy. It was insane. It was dramatic. It was a hot mess, is what it was. Sure, there were parts that were fun. I'd be lying if I said  otherwise. In fact, in the beginning of my drinking career, I had a ton of fun. But the fun stops when it becomes a problem...when you try and start controlling it. When you brain obsesses over drinking. When you want to stop and you can't. When you blackout and can't remember anything about your night. When the consequences of your drinking start adding up. When your health is being effected. When you tell yourself that next time will be different...and next time is never different. That, my friends, is not fun.

I don't' mind that Grief has been hanging out with me for the new year. She reminds me of how much I love my brother. And in a weird way, she motivates me. She has reminded me of my purpose...and my brother's part in that. I'm hoping she will be leaving soon, but I am going to learn and grow from her while she is here.