I Hate Everything About You

This is somewhat an impromptu blog post, so I will apologize in advance for the rage behind it.

But...

F*CK you, addiction. F*CK YOU and your DRUGS!

I HATE YOU! I HATE everything about you!

I just read a current article that 22 people have died as a result of overdosing from fentanyl within a two week period this month in Rhode Island.

A Fentanly patch is what my younger brother overdosed and died from in April 2012. It was somewhat a drug that was off the radar but has quickly gotten a lot of attention due to the increasing number of overdose deaths within the past few years. It is 100 times stronger than morphine. 40 times stronger than heroin. Yes, heroin. So, when you think that prescription drugs must be safe and okay to use because a doctor can prescribe them...think again. Think your dealer "friend, " the "family man," who wears khakis and boat shoes couldn't possibly sell you a drug that would kill you...think again!

From what we have been told by the police, it was my brother's first time experimenting with the fatal prescription drug. First and last.

It's a common story, sadly enough, but it doesn't make the pain any less for the millions of families who bury their loved ones at the hands of this disease.

Will was an alcoholic/addict.  He had struggled with alcohol abuse for years. He switched his alcohol abuse to prescription pills. It started out with ambien, adderall, xanax, and klonopine. All were drugs he had been prescribed for by doctors. He started abusing those. But like most alcoholic/addicts, he was good at hiding a lot from his family...and we were good at not wanting to see it or believe it. We were uneducated when it came to the disease and so we just thought it would get better...that it was just a phase. How bad could it be...they were prescriptions?

Eventually, he started buying prescription drugs from dealers...who sadly Will thought of as friends. Text messages on his phone indicate he would sometimes share his prescriptions with "friends" and vice versa.  I even called one of his "friends" a few months after he died asking about the text messages on his phone. He brushed it off like it was no big deal because it was a prescribed drug that they both had prescriptions for and he just needed Will to "spot" him some until he had a chance to get his refill. Or, at least that was his story.

I hear it daily in the rooms of recovery. I see it on the news. I watch it happening to people I live around and grew up with. It is literally all around us. It's amazing once I opened up about my own struggles with the disease that people came out of the woodwork...opening up about their struggles or their own loved ones who struggle with this disease. People want to talk about it but there is so much shame that we have associated with it. The fact is...that isn't helping anyone. We need to be educated. We need to spread awareness. We need to change public perception of who and what an alcoholic/addict is.

We live in a society that thinks a prescription is the answer to everything. Add vodka and well, it's a party...or "Mommy's Little Helper." At least that seems to be the case with the many facebook posts I read on the daily that joke about popping xanax and chasing with vodka or wine.

If you are an addict, I find it genuinely heartbreaking and sad...and you need help. If you are not and you just think it's funny...I think you're pathetic.

Here's a thought...if you need xanax and wine to "deal" with your kids...you probably shouldn't have had kids in the first place. Not to mention the example you are setting for them. And let me guess...ten years from now you are going to use THEIR alcohol/drug abuse problem as an excuse as to why YOU drink and medicate. Need wine to deal with the job you love to bitch about? Get a new job...or stop drinking and maybe...just maybe...you will actually be good at your job and have less to complain about...or go to rehab if you can't just stop. Hate your boyfriend/girlfriend?  Break up.

They are all excuses for you to drink. Believe me. I know. I've used them all.

There is not a drink or drug, legal or illegal, that will be the answer to your problems. There is not a drink or drug that can give your life meaning.

You're not drinking and drugging because you have a shitty life. You have a shitty life because you are drinking and drugging.

That was a tough pill for me to swallow when I first got sober. But you know what's a tougher pill...one that kills you.