Our Brother Was So Awesome God Made Him an Angel v2.0

'Leave a mark they can't erase, neither space nor time

So when the Director yells cut, I'll be fine. I'm forever young'

It was a cool and dreary Sunday afternoon in April 2012 when my phone rang around 3pm. It was my Dad. I couldn't understand him. He was hysterical. All I managed to piece together was, "your brother...he's gone." I can't tell you details of the following hours or even days or weeks, because honestly, it's all very foggy. 

It's been two years since that day and the fog has cleared.  And while the pain never leaves our hearts...we have learned to make it part of our life--to embrace it and rebuild our lives around it.  

There is no blog post or expression of words that will every convey what our hearts have felt the past two years with the loss of our brother. I don't understand how the past two years have been the worst and best years of my life but I think that is just one of the many gifts Will has left us with. 

I like to think that God visited Will on the morning of April 22, 2012 and showed him two ways of life for the future of our family. 

One...he would stay on earth and nothing would change. In fact, things would continue to get worse...as addiction does. 

Or two...he would leave us here on earth to live in Heaven and it would start a domino effect for so many positive changes in the lives of everyone he loved. He would be free from the bondage of self and have new life. I would get sober. Some of his friends would get sober.Our family would grow closer and our faith would grow stronger. We would have a new outlook on life. And the list goes on...

Will wouldn't have had to give it a second thought because that's just how he was.

So, the way I see it...Will takes God's hand and quietly leaves. He smiles down with every positive influence his death has had. He probably sees more than we are even aware. 

My three year old nephew told me the other day that Uncle Will visits him in his dreams. When I asked what he says to him, he says they pray together. I asked if he looked like he remembered and he says, "Nooooooo, He's an angel now. He has wings." Like, duh, Aunt Al. 

So today, that is how I think of him. Our guardian angle looking down over all of us.