Dear God, Break My Heart For What Breaks Yours

My prayer:

Dear God, break my heart for what break yours.

My experience:

I started saying this prayer about a year after I had gotten sober. I was at a point where I was getting comfortable with my sobriety and was looking for direction beyond my recovery. I was trying to make sense of why I was sober and why my brother had died from this horrible disease. It was a time in my life where I was searching for purpose. It was a year of questions and confusion.

What was my purpose in life? Where would I be of maximum service to others? What direction should I focus on helping others? The questions were never-ending. I had one thing going for me; my passion was clear. I wanted to help people find hope through recovery. I wanted to be someone to break the stigma and help end the shame of addiction. I wanted people to see what recovery looks  like. I wanted people to realize recovery and sobriety were possible. The question was “how?” I needed direction. Should I go back to school to get my counseling degree. Should I get a job in a treatment facility? Should I write a book? These questions too were never-ending.

I was overwhelmed with questions and the answers weren’t coming fast enough for this instant gratification seeking alcoholic. So, instead of freaking out to God through prayer with endless confusing questions, I finally condensed all these questions into a prayer that promised answers. “Dear God, break my heart for what breaks yours.”

My warning:

Y’all, I had no clue the magnitude of this prayer. Be prepared if you start praying this prayer it will change your life through a series of heart breaks. It's heartbreaking in a most beautiful way. The good news is that your purpose to help others will become clear. My heart broke not once, not twice, but hundreds of times over that year.

God has an interesting way of sending us answers. I had no idea that having my blog picked up by Huffington Post that year would be the biggest avenue of heartbreak to date. My writing was reaching thousands and hundreds of emails were pouring in from hopeless and suffering alcoholics and addicts. I was reaching the masses with nothing more than sharing my experience and hope (mixed with humility and humor) through a 1000 words at a time.

God’s purpose for my life continued and continues to be unveiled. Sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. Each person, whether it’s a still suffering alcoholic or a desperate family member searching for answers, who reaches out to me is a part of my road map directing me in a purpose driven direction.

My hope:

My hope is that my heart never stops breaking for those still suffering. My hope is that my heart opens a little more with each heartbreak and I continue to use my heartbreaks to guide me. My hope is that compassion fills the cracks that each heartbreak leaves. My hope is that your heart will break too and your purpose to help others will be clear.